Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
