very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
