Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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