i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
