You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
