So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
