Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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