He kissed a someone with a penis
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
