So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
