I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
