perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
