U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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