Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
