this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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