I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
