I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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