weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
