I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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