I think i peed on brittanys purse
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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