she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
