I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
