im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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