Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
