Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
