Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
