i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
