it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
