I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
