She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
