I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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