My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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