There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
