Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
