I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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