WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
