There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
