I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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