I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
