Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
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I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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