Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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