she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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