I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
