Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
