I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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