I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize