he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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