i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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