Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i've created a new STD.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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