so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
