Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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