Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
