I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
