she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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