The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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