I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
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You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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