i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize