Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
