Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
