Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
