the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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