She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
