Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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